Thoughts: What you deserve
I consider myself to be in a very middle-space right now. Very transitional, very transformational, very throw-me-in-a-terrarium-and-study-me-in-a-third-grade-science-class. I know life in general is arguably one big state of perpetual middleness, anyways, but this feels super, extra middle.
I also am realizing I have a bad memory. And while in this fun little middle stage, I do a lot of reminiscing about how things were before I arrived in Middletown, USA. You know, **the good old times.** When everything was completely right.
HA, JK NO NOT AT ALL, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. (No offense, Old Charlene.)
But I think that when a new middle feels not so great, we do a good job of misremembering the old middle altogether. And suddenly you don’t know why you did the things you did and made the decisions you made and clearly you are just massively destructive and should be committed as a risk to yourself and innocent humans everywhere.
But the actual facts are that your old middle wasn’t “right,” either. And so you made decisions to change that. Suited up in your Superwoman cape ready to get what you deserve.
And it’s different for every single one of us. I don’t know what you deserved that you weren’t getting. A job where you were happy. A chance to follow your dreams. A friend who didn’t take advantage of your generosity. A relationship with someone who showed up for you the same way you showed up for him. Or her. Or whatever.
The hard part about knowing what you deserve is that there is no guarantee you’re gonna get it your very next time up at bat (or second time, or third time, or fourth – I know lots about sports). You may strike out. Many times. Every time, until the time you don’t.
That’s when Old Middle starts to feel like heaven.
But heaven, it was not.
And like all good superheroes, you know that. Deep down. And that’s what gives you your fight.
So for anyone who needs to hear it, I am validating that you deserved better. You’re not a life-destroyer, you’re a life-believer, and I believe in you, too ❤️
Longer letter later…